Things I Try to Remember When I’m Nervous About Writing

lunamanar:

1. Write what you want to read. 

2. There is no problem with a story so great that it cannot be fixed in revision. Keep going.

3. If your story is as uncreative as you think it is, you wouldn’t want to write it so badly. You want to write it because there’s a unique spin on it you have never seen, and want to express. Many people may write similar stories, but it’s the details that make it personal. You may not know it now, but there is someone who is looking for exactly what you’re writing. If you don’t finish it, they’ll never see it. 

4. You can write something amazing and still be met with silence. There are myriad reasons for this that have nothing to do with the quality of what you produce. 

4.1 It’s okay to repeat post your work if no one has seen it. 

4.2 It’s okay to post your work in multiple places.

5. You don’t have to agree with every criticism (but take it gracefully anyway). 

6. Most writers are scared of the same things you are.

7. Don’t judge your works in progress against the archives of finished, polished stories other writers have put together. Archives are Internet portfolios and generally don’t show all the multitude of failures, incomplete, and draft-form works those writers are also struggling with. They aren’t perfect and you don’t have to be, either. Keep working and you will have a portfolio of your own. 

8. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas with other writers. It’s not annoying as long as you’re not self-important about it. Be humble and gracious, and others will reciprocate.

8.1 You can’t write as well in a vacuum; the more people know that you are working on something, and what, the more support you will get for that work. Starting a dialogue before you post something will make it more likely people will read it when you do post it. 

9. It’s okay to take breaks. If the ideas just aren’t coming, go do something else for a while. 

10. Be kind to yourself. Don’t call yourself names. You are not a failure, or uncreative, or boring. You wouldn’t call other people those things, so don’t do it to yourself. 

I don’t know if these are helpful to other people, but they are helpful to me, so just in case, here they are!

chiptrillino:

-The little
pups dryness, is more important than big pups!
-big pups hands are also full with groceries and busy with holding umbrella for
tiny pub. so he cant put the hood on!.
-the one that can tell me how many birds are in this picture will get a big smooch
❤
_______________

art by me
pleas don’t repost

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re
not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a
deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a
whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

  • “Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?”
    – “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”
  • “Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?”
    – “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”
  • (Someone forgets to call you back.)
    – “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”
  • “Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?”
    – “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”
  • “I don’t really feel like sex tonight.”
    – “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”
  • “You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?”
    – ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this
kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame
and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very,
very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes
it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you
until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling
you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to
separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s
possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your
mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the
difference between someone actually attacking you and something just
feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You
can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn
to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and
respond based on what you think – not just feel – their intent actually was. That work is
as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell
you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them
feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an
attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as
friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with
the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone –
when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may
find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

did-you-kno:

In the 16th century, dogs were part of
almost every large British household-
but not as pets. The turnspit dog was
bred specifically to run on a wheel that
turned meat over an open fire. They
were thought of as kitchen utensils or
pieces of machinery, and their owners
often motivated them to run faster by
putting glowing-hot coals in the
wheels along with them. Source Source 2